The Subtle Act of Gaslighting

 It can feel so subtle at first. A passing comment that makes you doubt yourself. A quiet dismissal of your feelings. A disagreement where you walk away wondering if you really did remember incorrectly. That’s the tricky thing about gaslighting — it often starts small, almost invisible, until one day you realize you’re questioning your own reality. For many, gaslighting is a hallmark of a narcissistic relationship, a way of keeping you off balance and unsure of yourself.

If you’ve experienced this, know that it’s not your fault — and you’re not imagining things. Gaslighting is designed to confuse you, but the fact that you’re noticing it now is a sign of your strength. When you can name these patterns for what they are, you can begin to reclaim your confidence, rebuild your sense of self, and take meaningful steps toward healthier relationships.

Healing from the effects of gaslighting and narcissistic behavior is possible — and it’s a deeply empowering journey. You deserve to feel grounded in your own truth again, to set boundaries that honor you, and to trust your inner knowing. There’s a brighter, more peaceful chapter ahead of you, and every small step you take brings you closer to the love and respect you’ve always deserved....<<<Read More>>>...

How Can You Spot a Real Narcissist?

The definition of narcissism is an excessive interest in or admiration of oneself. The DSM definition of narcissistic personality disorder is “a pattern of grandiosity, need for admiration, and lack of empathy.” 

According to Beth Pausic, PsyD, director of behavioral health for Hims & Hers, a person can have some narcissistic traits without reaching the criteria to be diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder. 

“Many highly successful individuals display personality traits that might be considered narcissistic,” Dr. Pausic tells DailyOM. “Only when these traits are inflexible, maladaptive, [and] persisting, and cause significant functional impairment or subjective distress, do they constitute narcissistic personality disorder....<<<Read More>>>...

Interrupting The Irresistible Appeal Of The Seductive Narcissist

 People love to hate on the narcissists, and no wonder. It can feel like whiplash if we override all the warning signs and red flags and jump headfirst into those relationships, only to watch the love bombing flip on a dime to abuse and exploitation, leaving our heads spinning and our hearts feeling blindsided and crushed. It’s no wonder there are hundreds of books about how to spot narcissists and how to read the red flags of sociopathy so we can get out before the worst of the abuse leaves us at rock bottom.

That said, nobody questions the initial appeal of many people with narcissistic tendencies. Narcissistic types are often good-looking, smart, creative, talented, charismatic, personable, wealthy, confident, competent, and swoon-worthy individuals. Or in the case of narcissistic spiritual teachers and healers, they may seem to have special powers or mystical magic that can be fascinating, compelling, curiosity-inducing, impressive, and charged with positive emotions that make your heart swell, especially if that person is selling the irresistible lie of “enlightenment” as a way to make all your pain go away forever.

What’s not to love about all those appealing qualities, especially if they mimic the way you felt when a narcissistic parent love bombed you if you complied with their highly conditional “love” or gave you the feelings of specialness, lovability, and worthiness a neglectful, abusive, or unloving parent might have failed to help you install as a healthy template during childhood?

It usually feels great (at first) to be chosen by someone like that who makes you feel special, good enough, appreciated, and flattered. And who wouldn’t want to feel chosen, special, and loved by someone who others might perceive as a “catch?”...<<<Read More>>>...

 

Narcissistic Relationships - From Surviving to Thriving

 A narcissist might be hard to spot in a lineup because they appear like you and me. The main difference between us is that they are very focused on their own needs and desires and will do almost anything to get them met. Narcissists don't care whom they step over to get ahead. They may act as if they care about you, and they might in their own way, but this care comes from a self-serving place. Sharing life with a narcissist may make you feel like you are shouting into the wind, that you are never really heard. The effort required to pacify their infinite well of needs is an exhausting endless cycle. You'll feel insecurities rise, as narcissists can make you feel very small. Narcissists like control and will not allow you to call the shots, as that challenges their own deep insecurities too much. Living with a narcissist consists of too much effort that is not productive for you; it's self-sacrifice with no end in sight. 

Many people have had exposure to a narcissist through family, work, friends, or a romantic relationship. You may wonder what you did to deserve something as brutal as that experience. I will tell you something you may not believe: narcissists are great teachers. This journey has nothing to do with you making bad choices; there is no such thing. We take different routes to get to the same destination. Each direction carries various lessons, and we will always choose the path we are ready for whether we know it or not. A relationship with a narcissist will lead you to extreme clarity around what you don't want. The good news is that you can course correct at any time. Moreover, as your warrior begins to surface to finally set healthy boundaries, to claim your path and your life, and to embody radical self-care, then you will know and understand how this person served you....<<<Read More>>>...
 

How to Recognise (and Walk Away From) Emotional Manipulators

 I’ve had two clients recently with a similar problem.

Both are in close, personal relationships with an emotional manipulator. Both are experiencing fear, stress and anger in their own homes. Both are suffering with their own health and wellbeing because of it.

I believe that there are a huge number of us who have someone like this in our lives. Someone who sucks the joy out of us, jangles at our nervous systems and emotionally manipulates us to get their way. Perhaps we live with them, perhaps they’re in our family or maybe they’re a colleague or neighbour.

So, how do we deal with people like this in our lives, especially when we don’t like confrontation and don’t feel brave enough yet to stand up for ourselves? Well, there are a few ways to deal with them which I’m going to touch upon below, but firstly, I want to get into the nitty-gritty of who these people are and what drives their behaviour.

Often, these people see your joy, your light, your happiness and your sense of wellbeing and they want to take it. In this state you are free from their control and they don’t like it.

They have no emotional intelligence to understand their actions. They are deeply unconscious of their behaviour or else they would take a good look in the mirror and seek out the pain that they need to address to move forwards in their lives.

I find that most emotional manipulators are used to being in a position of power. It’s a place where they can find a sense of control when they have, in the past, been out of control. It’s this need to control someone in their life, for their own benefit, that drives their behaviour. Controlling others feeds their sense of safety and security.

Perhaps they haven’t felt safe in the past, perhaps they don’t feel safe now? Either way, that is just giving excuses to their behaviour....<<<Read More>>>...

Thoughts On “Spiritual Narcissism”

[Collective Evolution]: Narcissism, in a nutshell, is self-absorption to the extent that it will adopt any set of rationale to protect the ego which often includes a degree of self-deception. Is this happening to many in spiritual trends?

There is authentic being, and then there is self-absorption which pretending to be authenticity, are we aware of the difference?

We humans often have a hard time finding middle ground. We may be drowning in lack of self-worth one moment, and trampling over other’s with our own self indulgence the next as we struggle to find balance. Narcissism is not simply about enjoying selfies in our social media-saturated world, it goes deeper than that.

It appears as liberation but is a trap that can ruin relationships, increase personal suffering, and keep a person from their true spiritual aspirations. Not surprisingly, increased mindfulness and compassion for this tricky human quirk is the best way to heal it....<<<Read The Full Article Here>>>...

The Guru Syndrome: When Spirituality Turns Sour

[Wake Up World]: "Some gurus may be narcissists who are attracted to the power and privilege that guru status brings. Others may be self-deluded individuals who believe that they are spiritually awakened, when in fact they are psychologically damaged – and who leave a trail of further psychological damage behind them"

The guru tradition has been a part of Indian culture since time immemorial. In that context, it is seen as an important way of transmitting spiritual teachings, and a way of supporting aspirants along the spiritual path. Spiritual development can be a tricky process, with all kinds of pitfalls and dangers, so the guidance of a guru is helpful. According to Indian tradition, the guru can also ‘transmit’ his spiritual radiance to his followers, providing them with spiritual sustenance. In addition, the devotion of the disciple to the guru has an important role. Indian spirituality places a high value on bhakti (devotion), as a way of transcending self-centredness.

However, when the guru tradition is transplanted into western culture, it often becomes problematic. (I’m sure it is sometimes problematic in Indian culture too, but probably not to the same extent.) There are countless reports of American or European-based spiritual leaders who have exploited and abused their followers, had promiscuous sex with their female followers, become addicted to alcohol or drugs, and so on. In fact, there are so many cases of ‘gurus gone wrong’ that it is not easy (at least outside traditional Indian culture) to find examples of ‘good gurus’ who have avoided excess and immorality.

Some gurus may be narcissists who are attracted to the power and privilege (and perhaps the money and sex) that guru status brings. Others may be self-deluded individuals who believe that they are spiritually awakened, when in fact they are psychologically damaged – and who leave a trail of further psychological damage behind them. But some gurus do seem to start off with good intentions. Perhaps they don’t even intend to become gurus. However. followers gradually gather around them, and eventually they become the center of a ‘spiritual community.’

The key to understanding the guru syndrome is the psychological need of disciples. Although many disciples (at least initially) may have a genuine need for spiritual growth, this is usually combined with a much more unhealthy impulse: a regression to a child-like state of unconditional devotion and irresponsibility. This is a very appealing state to be in. Think of how wonderful it felt as a young child, to believe that your parents were in complete control of the world, and could protect you from everything. There was nothing to worry about; your parents had it all covered. And you worshipped them so devotedly that you unquestioningly accepted everything they said and did. Guru worship takes his worshipers back to that infant state. As long as the disciple is in the care of the guru, all is well in the world. They feel safe and secure, just as children do in the presence of their parents. They give up responsibility for their own lives and pass it on to the guru, just as children do...read more>>>...

Excessive use of social media is turning us into narcissists, say researchers

Natural News: Narcissism is defined as a personality characteristic which may involve beliefs of entitlement, grandiose exhibitionism, and taking advantage of others.

The study, which involved a collaboration between researchers from the Abertawe Bro Morgannwg University Health Board, Milan University and Swansea University, examined the personality changes of 74 volunteers, who were aged 18 to 34, for four months.

During the four-month study period, the researchers studied the participants’ usage of social media such as Facebook, Instagram, Snapchat, and Twitter.

The researchers identified the participants who used social media excessively by assessing their visual postings. Based on the assessment, those who were always on social media had an average 25 percent increase in narcissistic traits during the four-month study. Based on the measurement scale used, the increase pushed a lot of the participants above the clinical cut-off for narcissistic personality disorder (NPD)....read more>>>...

7 things covert psychopaths, narcissists and sociopaths do differently

S.O.T.T: When many of us think of malignant narcissists, sociopaths and psychopaths, the image of the egotistical megalomaniac is called to mind: overly proud, boastful, arrogant, vain, self-centered, even violent, depending on how psychopathic we think they might be. Yet many of the most conniving and dangerous manipulators are not overt in their tactics - and their violence does not leave visible scars.

Predators who fly under the radar are able to so because they disguise their tactics behind false humility, a convincing facade and an arsenal of underhanded tactics meant to keep their victims bewildered, gaslighted and striving to regain the abuser's approval.

Here are seven ways covert malignant narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths differ from their more overt counterparts:...read more>>>...

Narcissism & The Zodiac Signs

Everybody knows a narcissist, even if you think you don't. Narcissists are everywhere — they're our co-workers, parents, partners, and exes.

Some of the better known personality traits of a narcissist are that they're arrogant, self-centered, self-important, manipulative, lacking empathy and compassion, and lastly (but most importantly) like to control people. Yes, narcissists will use you for their own needs and don't care at all about what they do to you in the process.

Narcissism is a somewhat generic term that covers a wide range of narcissism, from extreme narcissism to sub-types of narcissism.When you're involved with a narcissist, it can be very damaging to your self-esteem and feelings of self-worth. Being able to identify one can be the first step in getting your power back.

Narcissists are toxic people, though most would be shocked to hear themselves described that way. They usually have rational reasons for why they behave the way that they do, and getting them to change is very challenging. Once you've been involved with a narcissist, you'll be very careful about not getting involved with another. But they can be charming and deceptive enough that you might let your defenses down. If you can avoid interacting with a narcissist, then do it; if not, tread carefully...read more>>>...

Narcissist or Just Self-Centered?

Many professionals think of narcissism, like many other mental-health issues on a continuum. And while truly narcissistic people are certainly self-centered, are self-centered people truly narcissistic? Not necessarily.

Surely, by definition self-centered people are, well, self-centered. Research tells us that those children who were put on a pedestal, who were their parents' whole world, or who didn’t receive enough discipline and structure can easily become narcissistic.

Self-centered people can be empathic. Narcissists may fake it, but still essentially see others as pawns in their egocentric universe—and fail to make real changes.

Self-centered people crave attention from others, and can reliably find a way to talk about themselves when they begin to feel neglected and unimportant. In conversations, they may talk too much about themselves, but they can also actually listen to others. The fine line here is the degree to which narcissists seek not only attention but also don't listen to others or only listen to pounce on opportunities to turn the conversation toward themselves and their accomplishments. Where self-centered people essentially say, "Notice me!" narcissists say, "Notice how special and wonderful I am—and you’re not!"...read more>>>....

9 Ways to Spot A Narcissist

Power Of Positivity: Narcissistic Personality Disorder: A pervasive pattern of grandiosity (in fantasy or behavior), need for admiration, and lack of empathy, beginning in early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts. – American Psychiatric Association


Here are 9 ways to spot a narcissist:
1. Envies others and/or believes they are to be envied
2. Exaggerated self-importance
3. Preoccupation with status symbols
4. Requires constant admiration
5. “Takes” often, “Gives” little
6. No sense of empathy
7. Displays an “elite” status
8. Strong sense of entitlement
9. Shows arrogance and haughtiness

“Obsession with everything related to self-importance” is a simple and concise way of defining a narcissist. Indeed, these individuals are completely enamored with their own (false) self-perceived worth.

A quick Google search will display several synonyms of narcissism, among them: conceit, egoism, egotism, self-admiration, self-absorption, self-centeredness, self-love, self-obsession, self-regard, vanity. Self, self, self…a pretty obvious recurring theme…and undoubtedly true.

One thing that narcissists aren’t necessarily is self-revealing. It is true that many narcissists do indeed display their penchant of self-everything; something made obvious by the incessant self-talk, self-promotion, or other ongoing diatribes pertaining to…you guessed it…themselves. When such conspicuous dialogue isn’t occurring, they can be witnessed trying to grab attention wherever and whenever possible.

But not all of them.

In true narcissist-like form, some of them will conceal their manipulative talents quite well. In fact, many people who consider themselves to be excellent judges of character can have difficulty in seeing a narcissist for who/what they really are. Their true identity may eventually reveal itself to some, but to most others, narcissists may appear driven, charismatic, ambitious, disciplined, and even fun.

Understanding what constitutes the personality disorder (i.e. symptoms) is the first step in identifying a narcissist. With said knowledge in-hand, one is perhaps better equipped to identify a potential narcissist and respond appropriately. .... read more>>>...