I am immersed in esoterica ... I have lost sight of my self
My face I never see gazing back at me ... for in the mirror I only see my past
I have ceased to exist ... just a memory ... an automaton for others to control
I am a plaything of fate ... of the mortals who stand by my side
I have ceased to do or so or be ... what I desire
For too conscious am I of failing ... or displeasing .... of being alone once more ...
I am a vacuum ... devoid of forward motion... thinking of the past
With regrets ... I attempt the mechanism to make it al things right again
I find the way ... in my mind ... to travel time ... and revisit those times
I hold wonders and keep them to myself ... I never broadcast what I find ....
I am a starless night ... clouds of emotions hide my true face
Manufactured are my responses in this world ... everything which is me is false
I am the actor on the human stage ... giving nothing of my origins away
I recover from the shock of birth ... and the innocent naivety of the child
The blindness and the ignorance ... the times when darkness descends ...
Unchecked it wreaks havoc on every human being ... too complex to recover from
The spell of malice which rocks me to my being ....
Esoterica is my obsession ... it is something to hold on to
The line between what I was and what I am
The trail cold ... but the way finder could recover steps and discover snares somehow
If the balls of wool would be unravelled ... first ...
I hear the thunder retort ... the lightning bolt hast seared my flesh
I raise my blooded hands to the heavens and scream to the gods
‘I am as you but in human form ... I walked the earth once wide awake
But now I am blinded and wounded and maimed ... is this my penance
Or will you show me the door to open?’
I raise magick but it falls on stony ground
I cast spells into the aether ... into the astral reflection ... but nothing comes to pass
I am powerless ... I am angry ... I am emotion without the anvil
I am nothing but the fool ... the chariot without the wheels ....
I hide behind the mirrors gladly .... hidden in esoterica is my ancient name
I read of myself somewhere ... but I despair for this life is a waste of time
Human existence a precious thing ... but I am the foolish one here
The ship with no sail ... the eagle with no wings .... powerless and denied
Nothing ... no-one .... nowhere ... ?
Written 30 December 2005
