[Daily OM]: The most common form of withholding
is what we commonly call "the silent treatment," but withholding
encompasses any unwillingness to express your true feelings. It also
includes an unwillingness to give support, praise, or positive attention
to the people you love. We have all known someone who is impossible to
please, and many of us have suddenly found ourselves at the other end of
a chilly silence with no explanation. At the same time, many of us will
recognize our own tendency to withhold our emotions rather than express
them. Most of us have seen both sides of the withholding dilemma.
Emotional pain is at the root of our tendency to withhold, and
withholding causes pain to the people subjected to it. It is a
dysfunctional pattern that creates a breakdown in communication and
understanding.
No one deserves to be subjected to withholding. Feeling ignored,
disrespected, or shut out, and to not know why, is a terrible feeling.
The first thing to remember if this is happening to you is that you are
not to blame. You are caught in someone else's pain pattern. This person
does not know how to express feelings in a healthy way probably because
this is what they learned when she or he was a child. The second
helpful thing to remember is that the withholder is acting out of pain.
They are stuck in a habitual mode of response that is self-defeating and
alienating to the people they love. Remembering this will help you feel
compassion for the person hurting you. However, if you have suffered
too long with this pattern, you may need to get some space. Take some
time to look at your own patterns and understand why you have taken part
in this drama. If you are dealing with people in a family situation,
you can step up to the plate to help break the chain of this behavior
pattern....<<<Read The Full Article Here>>>...