My visits to the elders were rare at first. I felt foolish in their company. Mortal and unwise. But gradually my visits happened more and more. I was intrigued by the stories of the one; of our separation; of our fall from grace. I was curious and intrigued. I had to know more.
I was assigned my own personal tutor and taught basic breathing techniques at first. I found it hard to clear my mind; to welcome nothingness. Once I closed my eyes, all order of things would cross my mind and gain control. I was unable at first to concentrate. Then as I perfected the simple techniques I began to grasp what my tutor was trying to say. He thus began with the simple visualisations to introduce me to their ways. I felt then I was happy and I had arrived at the right place. Later I would learn I had no choice in the matter.
One day, after I closed my eyes all I could see was darkness. Blackness. The emptiness of space. I was scared. The crystal I held was cold and unfriendly. The feeling seemed to emanate from its vibration. Then as my tutor began to speak I beheld a pinprick of light. Tiny and distant but I could see it there. The more I concentrated, the more I was able to hold it in place. The more I was able to make it my focus. It gradually filled my sight. Its brilliance melted the darkness and I floated in its warmth. Fearlessly I began to walk into its mass. I was no longer scared. Gradually I merged with the light and came as one with the light. The sensation was breathtaking. Regrettably I had to return. I had heard my tutors call of return. I opened my eyes and caught his worried gaze.
You went too deep child, he was saying. You were only meant to watch and feel, not become. We will make an adept of you one day, but only when you do what you are told.
Years later I learnt the light I had entered had been the universal source. One more step into the light and I would not have returned.
By way of a punishment for my disobedience the elders stripped me of my newly acquired rank. I was banished from the library until further notice and I was no longer able to openly ask my personal tutor questions. My daily chores in the temple were increased; the general friendliness of the place lost. At the time I felt degraded and very much alone, but soon became accustomed to the backward steps or falling from grace as it became known. [Taken from "The Chronicles Of Ezra" written by Matthew James]
