In cases of self-sabotage, however, disappointments are a direct result of what you do. But your actions are not merely mistakes. You may not recognize this, but on some level, you want to trip yourself up. Perhaps you feel you do not deserve happiness or success or a life in which you can thrive. Perhaps you believe that you are incapable of managing your own feelings or cravings. Something inside you decides, "It would be better for me to mess this up than to succeed." Or you believe, "Things are so bad, it doesn't matter if they get worse."
Self-sabotage comes in many
different forms. "You are your own worst enemy," we say to someone who
always picks a fight with someone who is trying to help him. "She is the
only one who can help herself," we say when someone keeps drinking even
though she knows that it harms her relationships and her job
performance. Some forms of self-sabotage we might take for granted, such
as procrastination, when we put off something and, as a result, cause
unnecessary problems that we have to deal with later. Other
self-sabotaging traits are seen as an inevitable part of a person's
temperament or personality, such as various kinds of stage fright, when
we don't show what we can do just when we have the most to gain.
Some forms of self-sabotage are common but less familiar, such as fear
of success, when we hold ourselves back because we fear that others will
envy us if we succeed. Often self-sabotage arises from core beliefs
about our own worth. Therefore, this course approaches self-sabotage in
several different ways. You'll learn specific techniques for changing
the habits that do not serve you well. You'll also learn how many
self-sabotaging habits are connected. Smoking or drinking too much, for
example, is sometimes linked to low mood, which is linked to lack of
self-care. As you learn to map the various habits or practices that hold
you back, you will be guided to track your progress. You'll also come
to appreciate the huge benefits of small improvements.
