We all have issues, as well as
undesirable qualities or traits that we don't like about ourselves. Most
of us realize that we are not perfect and that it is natural to have
unpleasant thoughts, motivations, desires, or feelings. However, when a
person does not acknowledge these, they may ascribe those
characteristics to someone else, deeming other people instead as angry,
jealous, or insecure. In psychological terms, such blaming and fault
finding is called projection.
When we are the target of projections, it can be confusing and
frustrating, not to mention maddening, particularly when we know that we
are not the cause of another person's distress. Even people who are
well aware of their issues may find that sensitive subjects can bring up
unexpected projections. They may feel insecure about a lack of funds
and thus view a friend as extravagant. Or, if they really want to get in
shape, they may preach the benefits of exercise to anyone and everyone.
While we can try to avoid people we know who engage in projecting their
"stuff" onto others, we can't always steer clear of such encounters. We
can, however, deflect some projections through mindfulness and
meditation. A useful visualization tool is to imagine wrapping ourselves
in a protective light every day. At other times, we may have to put up a
protective shield when we feel a projection coming our way, reminding
ourselves that someone else's issues are not ours. Although it's
difficult not to react when we are the recipient of a projection, it is a
good idea to try to remain calm and let the other person know if they
are being unreasonable and disrespectful. We all know that it's not fun
to be dumped on. Likewise, we should be mindful that we don't take our
own frustrations out on others. When we take ownership of our thoughts,
motivations, desires, and feelings, we are less likely to project our
issues or disowned qualities onto others.(Daily OM}