It is always the same, for me anyway. I feel so responsible for everything I say to people. I am always conscious of being the doorway between the worlds; and I'm always so concerned about not saying it right; or for people not understanding fully what I had been trying to convey.
The 48 hours after any public event, for me, is always a difficult period. I have a tendency to still be in observant mind mode; so quite often I catch myself observing situations I'm in during the every day as if watching a movie; I'm not in first person mode; and its like watching a conversation between two people. One of them being myself. Its a strange feeling, but it is always an aftermath of being a conduit/channel/communicator.
The other difficult aspect is I am more often than not left feeling morose and sad; after touching on the vibration to the other worlds, then coming back into this wavelength frequency, I am left feeling being in the world which has no sparkle or glitter. The vibration of this planet is very heavy and fear filled; coming back into that cloud of gloom always leaves me quite miserable until I can readjust.
In the quiescence I often think about my own mortality and my own life path; I catch myself looking back on my life and reading the threads where things didn't go right. Regret is a strong thought process with me at the best of times. During these moments regrets are even more powerful; its not that I've made mistakes, its just the thought I could have done things better. I guess it proves I am mortal after all.
We all have those moments we wish we could change; I find in these spiritual debriefs that I am made aware that those moments are relived by us; maybe not consciously but most certainly on some other dimension of ourselves we do get to relive those moments we regret ... and we relive them in the way we should have lived them. That way we get to have the correct experiences somewhere in our dimensional selves.
Often, those who had communicated with me during the public event, remain with me ... to often reassure me I'd said things right and they were happy I'd helped set the record straight for them; or that we'd achieved the breaking of the family karmic ties that had been within the DNA of those I'd spoken to during the public event. These connections with lingering consciousness from the other worlds often help me to come to terms with being who and what I am; for they are connections that have been with me really since the day I was born. When I think back I get a sense there hasn't been a day when someone was in communication with me. I guess this is why it comes like 2nd nature to me when I converse as a 'medium' or 'conduit'. I have little or no preparation before I commence a sitting or a demonstration ... it is the way it has always been with me. No meditations. No rituals. Nothing oddball. I just switch from one state of mind to the other ...
