I keep finding myself slotting into the same mind set recently. The same 'script' to think. Its based on chapters of regrets throughout my life; starting from an early age and working its way through to current times ... always the same; always the same start and always the same finish. Like deja vu. It appears out of nowhere like a puff of smoke; interrupts whatever train of thought I had at the time; then overwhelms me with feelings of regret, sorrow, inadequacy, failure, anger. It feels as if an external source has inserted this same excerpt into my consciousness; outside of my control. As a way of exerting pressure on me to provide it with fuel or food. It feels much like feeding time for the astral vampire. Feeding off the emotions I produce when it creates that memory loop in my mind. I am powerless when the loop is playing to stop it ... even though I know what is happening and am aware what comes next. I feel helpless with it. But not scared. Not in fear. it is a violation I will overcome.
