Hurtful confrontations often leave us feeling
drained and confused. When someone attacks us emotionally, we may ask
ourselves what we could have done to compel them to behave or speak that
way toward us. It’s important to remember that there are no real
targets in an emotional attack. Usually it’s just a way for the attacker
to redirect their uncomfortable feelings away from themselves. When
people are overcome by strong emotions, like hurt or anguish, they may
see themselves as victims and lash out at others as a means of
protection or to make themselves feel better. You may be able to shield
yourself from an emotional attack by not taking the behavior personally.
First, however, it is good to cultivate a state of detachment that can
provide you with some protection from the person who is attacking you.
This will allow you to feel compassion for this person and remember that
their behavior isn’t as much about you as it is about their need to
vent their emotions.
If you have difficulty remaining unaffected by someone’s behavior,
take a moment to breathe deeply and remind yourself that you didn’t do
anything wrong. You aren’t responsible for people’s feelings. If you can
see that this person is indirectly expressing a need to you — whether
they are reaching out for help or wanting to be heard — you may be able
to diffuse the attack by getting them to talk about what is really
bothering them.
You cannot control other people’s emotions, but you can control your
own. If you sense yourself responding to their negativity, try not to
let yourself. Keep your heart open to them, and they may let go of their
defensiveness and yield to your compassion and openness....<<<Read More>>>...
