For me August 2011 is most likely to be similar, but different to July 2011 ... it's most certainly a case of as one chapter closes, I do not intend to make it a sixth appearance, or any more for that matter. The challenge was all that was necessary ... I was able to prove to myself I could undertake instantaneous connections in front of a watching live TV audience. It is best to be remembered at your peak doing something ... which is what I decided when I left the studio for the final time. I had an opportunity recently to make it a sixth, but my enthusiasm for the situation had faded. It was not convenient so I turned it down. My intentions were always honest ones ... which were noticed by certain production team members .... they know who they are ... and also the audience. It was the only way to do it as far as I was concerned. But, sadly, there are those who do not have the same moral code as me ... who saw me as the new kid on the block ... and permitted their egos to shine. The moment I felt this shift in the air ... I lost all heart to be there; I detest false egos. I walked away from that back in the early 90's in the UK ... and do not intend to go back to it. There are several faces who will sadly be missed ... but there were certain 'alliances' which were seedy to say the least, who I will not miss one bit. The foundations of the program were not what I want to be associated with. The experience was an awesome one ... I have those memories (And the recordings of the shows I appeared on too) to cherish. But my eyes are firmly focussed on the next installment of this type of work. Believe me ... it's not that far away. Opportunities are afoot which will lead to this next installment .. so watch this space.
Anyway, I have plenty of other things to dedicate my attention to now ... the phone line is getting off the ground slowly ... as well as all the other projects I find coming out of the wood work and growing in their intensity.
July 2011 was most certainly a turning point. Certain events fuelled me to press the green light ... and venture along avenues I'd not been inspired to go along before. Jealous rivalry never has the intended effect with me ... it coaxes me into action mode. The more the jealousy directed at me, the more I use the energy to distance myself from those who follow me. I am always happy to lead ... I did it enough times back in my rock climbing days ... followers never know the terrain they are being taken through and will always find themselves out of their depth; especially as these individuals know insufficient about me to realise what I am really about. This is to their detriment believe me.
August 2011 will herald another live demonstation evening. The first in mid-July 2011 was yet another challenge which I undertook ... and found I was able to fulfill the task at hand. Therefore ... August 2011 appears to be yet another stepping stone year ... a point on the journey and not the destination ... the destination can be discerned in the mist but its location is not being discussed with anyone. I have a clear picture of where I will be ... but remains firmly locked in my memory banks. I am not prepared to remain static ... water becomes stagnant if it remains still for too long ... this tortoise is moving in a direction which the mad march hare has no idea of ... it is too busy pruning its ego and making sure all eyes are watching it make a total fool of itself. There is way too much of the ego personalities in the field. as I have said before ... too many ego drivers ... and not enough true selves in control. I witness it so often and can fully understand what my true teacher saw in me over 20 years ago. She saw me strut the same walk and always wore a half smile when she talked to me. I bear that same half smile ... there are so many catwalk struts from so called professionals. So much jealousy; so much manure spreading ... I really can't be bothered with it all. So many are like the 'Gollum' of the mystic world ... possessing the precious when they are not ready ... letting that possession eat away at their consciousness Changing them in ways they do not realise ... their minds are not ready for the intense energies they steal from others who are ready.
Anyway, lecture over ... this field is a well known stomping ground for the wannabes. There are many genuine ones out there ... they know who they are at this particular moment in time. Through August 2011 I will be walking with them. Several others will be arriving in September through to December 2011. Many other walkers will be left behind. Such is life ... I just know the journey ahead is an awesome one. I don't often look for myself; too busy am I looking out for other people ... but this is one instance I have pulled back the moss for myself. I find it hard to conceal the big beaming smile ... it's been a long thirty years of waiting for these moments that arrive.
More next month ... Matthew James 3rd August 2011
