Aliens shun GM crops

Lizards love organic

The reason why visiting aliens tend to abduct American citizens but only trample on corn fields in Europe has been blamed on genetically modified crops.

It seems the grey lizards are worried about carrying contaminated genetic material back to their own worlds. Aliens are avoiding creating crop circles in fields containing GM crops. A five year study of crop circles found none appeared in fields containing GM crops.

The research work was carried out by Buck Uranus - and it's got to be true with a name like that, right? Mr Uranus is funded by the William H Carpenter Foundation which, like Mr Uranus, has managed to evade Google.

Luckily for seekers of the truth Mr Uranus has not only carried out detailed research into the crop circles but also talks to the aliens.

Uranus explained: "In my spare time I channel messages from alien beings...these guys have serious reservations about what we're doing down here. One even told me he's even thinking of using another planet for his artwork."

A Gray Lizard told Uranus: "Just imagine — we accidentally pick up a few seeds on our undercarriage and take them home without knowing. They could spread like wildfire then and we'd end up paying Monsanto an annual fee just to grow flooble beans on our own planet. Madness."

Anyone shopping at farmer's markets this weekend should watch out for other shoppers with scaly, grey skin and forked tongues.

By John Oates → More by this author