Mail On Sunday Report; says: 'The mother of missing Madeleine McCann has tearfully described the joy she experienced at her IVF birth after five years of trying unsuccessfully for a baby.
And, as she continues her vigil in Portugal waiting for news of her daughter, Kate McCann also revealed how she feels a sickening sense of guilt over the little girl who was snatched away from her.
In the first interview she has given without husband Gerry at her side, Mrs McCann, 39, recalled their delight - and surprise - when Madeleine was born in 2003, five years after they married. She said: "The one thing I have always been definite about is that I want a family. I wanted to be a mother. Then, when we were trying for a baby and it wasn't happening, it was really hard. The longer it went on, the harder it was. I saw my friends having children and I was really delighted for them, but it made me feel sad, too. We tried unsuccessfully for several years to conceive. There came a point when we admitted we needed help. I was so desperate to have a child I'd try anything. I know IVF isn't everyone's choice but I wanted to try it. We had one unsuccessful attempt before Madeleine and that was very hard. When I got pregnant with Madeleine it was just fantastic. It didn't seem true. I did a test at home so I could handle the result if it wasn't good. I was looking at it thinking, 'I don't believe that.'
"Then I went to the hospital and they checked it. I was really excited."
Smiling at the happy memory of her birth, she went on: "There she was - perfect. She was lovely. She had the most beautiful face. And she revealed: "I'd thought I was going to have a boy, just based on instinct. That actually made it even more special that she was a girl. She took us by surprise."
Commenting on the possibility that Madeleine might already be dead, Mrs McCann said that the fear of never seeing her daughter again was not as strong as it had been in the first five days of her disappearance.
But she added: "I do go back to those dark moments. It would be abnormal never to touch on them. I feel panic and fear when I'm thinking about her, but it doesn't help. I'm not helping Madeleine by going there."
And asked what message she would pass on to her daughter, Mrs McCann said: "I'd tell her we love her. She knows we love her very much, she knows we're looking for her, that we're doing absolutely everything and we'll never give up."
