People take up the study of magic for may reasons, but there are usually two factors that modern would-be-magicians have in common. One of these is an attraction towards magic as a mask or a pose; an image which can be used to replace their own reflection in the harshly lit mirror of self-perception. The rather scandalous reputation of magic, and its persecution through most of known human history, has made magic appear attractive to people who feel alienated from the power structure of the western culture. 'Being a magician' in this sense, provides an identity and often a community in which fantasies of persecution and omnipotence too often blend into a mix quite familiar to the students of social psychology.The comforting mask is only one side of the coin. The other side is a desire, often vague & unformed, for something which goes beyond the mere donning of a mask and a pose --- something real in a sense neither the structures of the dominant culture nor those of the magical substructure can match. The force of this desire is not focussed towards 'being a magician' but rather 'becoming' one. It is often the presence of this other desire which leads to the would-be-magician to magic, rather than any of the other possible countercultures in society.
These two desires, mask and reality, move in harmony so long as the magical novice restricts his or her involvement to reading books and take part in a few community rituals. When the novice moves on to regular practice, however, that harmony shatters; it is possible to to be a magician and become one ... but not both. The disciplines of magical training are unfriendly to masks of any kind --- even the magician mask --- fantasies of magical power and self-sufficiency run headfirst into the reality which the novice magician can rarely control his or her own thoughts for a few minutes together. On a deeper level, the goal of most of the basic magical discipline is self knowledge, and it is precisely the fear of self knowledge which is the motive behind every kind of mask.
This fear is therefore the obstacle which must be overcome at or near the very beginning of practical work. It can hide itself in many forms. It can manifest as boredom ... and it is true that many of the basic magical exercises are dull. It can also disguise itself as frustration ... and it is equally true that many of the basic magical exercises are frustrating, even deliberately so. The obstacle can take the form of some other interest, or a whole series of other interests, which lay claim to the time needed for magical practice. It is a fact that magical training takes a certain amount of time each and every day.
Finally, the obstacle will appear in its own form ... that of stark terror. Rising up without any prior warning and often without explanation in the middle of some magical practice.
Whatever form it takes, there is no way around it, and only one way through. That way through is perseverance. To abandon practices at this point is to be defeated by 'the watcher'. To persist despite boredom, frustration, the attraction of other activities, and the fear of change and growth, is to be victorious. The watcher may return ... there are often more masks than one to cast aside ... but each victory makes others easier to achieve.
